Even I Have Felt Love
by WolvesKey
Summary: All about Kakuzu, his first love and the reason to why he joined Akatsuki. How it all started. KAKUZUxOC Trilogy.
1. When I First Met You

**One:** _**When I first met you...**_

I remembered the question he'd asked me.

That snide partner of mine didn't know when to quit.

It brought it all back, the mermories, things I'd been trying to forget about for many years.

In reality, I suppose it was wrong to ignore your feelings and your memories, even after all those years of misery and unwanted pain.

"Oi, oi, Kakuzu, I wonder at times, y'know? If you could ever have shown any emotion other than your stupid, fucking greed! I bet you've never loved anyone in your stupid life, or have you?"

That's what Hidan, the stupid, Jashin-lover had asked me, it stung, those words that he'd said, but it was true, greed for money was all that kept me going in life, and the idiotic zealot would never understand that I, myself, had once felt love.

* * *

You could call it instinct, for he knew the moment that she had looked up at him, sitting in the tree opposite her, as he was, she has noticed he was watching her.

She stared at him curiously, wondering if her eyes were deceiving her, he stared back, frozen to the spot, wondering if she'd caught on that he'd been watching her come to this particular lake everyday?

He couldn't help but stare at her, after all, he hardly saw anyone other than the odd traveller and the animals.

Indeed, his life was very secluded, he did live in the neighbouring village; the village hidden in the Waterfall-otherwise known as Takigakure for most of his childhood and teens.

It was only when his parents had died and he'd gotten severe injuries from a mission prior to that, that he was rejected by many of the other villagers, not out of hate-oh no, it was out of fear and slight revulsion.

Because of his 'accident', he had to have many stitches all over his body, and that of course scared the younger children and repulsed the adults.

After that, he'd decided to leave and live outside the village, in the forest literally seven miles from the village itself, he wanted to be far away from people as possible, and remained that way for several years.

But now, that was all changing, for this woman, would travel these seven miles, to gather her own food and collect fresh water from the huge lake, literally on his doorstep.

She was the first human contact he'd had in years, despite that he hadn't talked to her, but he just couldn't help but feel intrigued by the way she moved, the colour of her fiery red hair and, well, she may not have had the most professional voice in the whole land with her singing, but he thought it was enchanting.

But now, he feared he was caught out, spying on her the way he had for many months now.

She slowly stood up from her crouched form, and titled her head to the side, as if trying to see if it would help her vision to catch a better glimpse at him.

It was a few moments later that she placed her hands on her hips, she called over to him.

"I know you're there! So come out where I can see you."

He shifted his weight on the branch, now regretting that he'd leaned forward to get a better look and make a a small branch snap and fall from the tree.

_She'll probably just run away like all the others._

He thought sadly, he jumped down from the tree, landing on the ground gracefully, he'd wished he'd bothered to make a mask or something similar, for he still had his stitched face on display, he'd never had any human company once he'd decided to reside in the forest, which was the main reason for it.

She stared at him, her eyes a little wide, which once again he was expecting, he didn't move at all, though he waited for her reaction, and she still stood there even after a few minutes, making him wonder why she hadn't ran off when she had the chance.

"Oh dear, you must've had it bad." She muttered, her voice held sympathy and a hint of sadness to it.

Because there was no wind, he could hear her voice perfectly, and he was a little stunned by what she'd said, he was used to others shouting insults, throwing things and shunning him from everything, even though he'd gotten all those stitches, just because he'd saved someone elses life, instead of worrying about his own.

She sighed, then folding her arms across her, he had to admit, rather ample chest, she asked "Okay, now that I've seen you, care to explain why you were perhaps spying on me?"

The stern look on her face told him not to avoid the question and answer truthfully, he decided to test her limits, to see how far he'd go before she ran away from him.

With that set in his mind, he began to slowly move closer towards her, taking his time to get to her, she didn't flinch, even when he finally stopped at an arms length from her.

Being taller than her, he gazed down at her and thought that she must've been no older than twenty-three, it was only at this point he noticed her deep emerald eyes that had a dark-brown fleck around the pupils, this intrigued him all the more.

"Well?" She asked, still waiting for a reply.

Kakuzu shook his head violently, only realizing he'd been staring at her, he took in a deep breath and answered "I live nearby here, I didn't think I'd see anyone come out so far from the village to gather what you do, when you could easily buy some yourself."

A slow smile tugged at her lips, and she answered lightly "Ah, well, my family are rather poor...in fact we're so poor that we don't have the money to buy our food, we have a vegetable patch in our garden, but ever since father...passed on, me and my older brother have been trying to make ends meet, but enough about that, I didn't think anyone would be living way out here?"

He nodded slightly, then said "I'm sorry to hear you're having a difficult time, and I'm the only person living this far out from the village, I prefer the solitude, I'm not to keen on...busy places."

She hesitated then nodded, agreeing with him, for she didn't like busy places either.

_She probably already gathered the real reason I'm way out here._

He couldn't help but let the thought pass through his mind briefly, she sighed lightly then picking u her basket, she stated "Well, I have to go and finish off around here, maybe I'll see you tomorrow?"

His eyes widened slightly, and he could alomst hear his heart pounding in his ears.

_She wants to see me again?_

He didn't think she'd bring anyone else along, and he wondered if she'd really come back the next day expecting to see him again, but he was more curious than ever about the woman.

She still smiled at him, and he was sure that she wasn't planning anything against him.

He attempted a small smile and nodding his head, he answered "Yes, that would be...nice."

She laughed lightly, a new sound to him, when was the last time he'd heard someone laugh?

Several years ago.

"Okay, by the way my name is Hayashii, what's yours?"

_Hayashii; meaning forest, it definitely suits her, especially those wonderous eyes of hers._

"It's Kakuzu, I hope...you have a safe journey back..." He muttered, a little shy at first, but knew he'd get more confident with speaking to people if he could speak to her more often.

She smiled warmly at him over her shoulder, her eyes shining with what appeared to be humor, most likely from his shyness, she waved briefly then continued walking back through the way she'd come.

His right hand twitched slightly, then almost forcing himself, he waved a little at her retreating back, of course she couldn't see that, he was thankful, for he knew he'd probably muck that up and she'd laugh at him again.

He sighed to himself, feeling rather content once more, his nerves and a bit of excitement kicked in once he thought _Hayashii, I'm seeing Hayashii tomorrow._

* * *

And see her again he did.

She came back the next day and looked around herself curious, she couldn't see Kakuzu anywhere.

Her first initial thought was that he was probably hiding again, if not then perhaps he simply did not want to see her again.

She was about to turn away, sighing heavily to herself, she heard a movement coming from a bush behind her, she looked round swiftly and saw him walking out, almost shyly.

She smiled at him, she walked over and greeted him "Hello, Kakuzu, I'm back again, so you're going to have to put up with me for a little while."

He smirked quietly, she saw it and stared at him mischieviously, but he shook his head, making his short, spikey brwon hair to fly about.

"I don't mind sharing your company."

She laughed and stated "Oh, Kakuzu, you don't need to be so shy and formal around me. We're friends now, right?"

He stared at her, slightly alarmed.

_friends?!_

_That usually means commitment, trust and being nice._

She must've noticed his slightly alarmed expression, for her smile dropped, wearing a rather innocent look she asked "Is something wrong?"

He stared at her a little longer, loving those eyes of hers, before lowering his eyes and staring down at the ground, he answered "N-not really, I just haven't had any friends before, well, not anyone I could consider a close enough to be a friend."

She sighed a little, runing a hand through her shoulder-length hair she said "Well, you're already a friend to me, so I'll help you to one day think of me as a friend."

He was rather taken aback by the sudden statement, but saw a determined glint in her eyes, he nodded again, accepting her help.

_But I don't think I need any help with that..._

* * *

And help him she did.

Hayashii continued to pay visits to him everyday, despite the long journey there and back and also that he was less than the eager, talkative friend she was hoping for.

He tried hard, wanting to know more about her, wishing he could spend more time with her, but would never go back to the village he'd cut all ties off from.

It was only one day that she asked an unexpected question.

"Kakuzu, you are still a Ninja to the Waterfall village, am I right?"

He hesitated, of course he _**was**_ a Ninja for that village, but not anymore, he'd decided to give that life up and prefferably live quietly until he died.

_Well, that __**certainly**__ did change._

He shook his head lightly, and answered quietly "Not anymore, I'm considered a 'missing' or 'rouge' Ninja now. I have no intention of going back to working under any Kage at all."

Hayashii stared at him a little longer, then nodded silently, shifting her weight on the rock they were sat on, she said "I'm not a Ninja, I have only been taught the 'replacement' jutsu and the 'transformation' jutsu, my aim isn't very good either, well, not over long distances, but I never did go any further than that, I suppose it's a waste, I mean, I can still learn now, but what's the use? There's no point in training now, I don't need too, I'm a woman, it's not expected for women to become Ninja."

He listened like he always did, allowing her to have her say, and that's what she liked about him, that he was a good listener and didn't judge her on her own opinion.

He stared at the grass blowing in the breeze and stated "It's your own happiness that matters, Hayashii, nothing else in this world matters so long as you're happy."

She blushed a little, knowing that what he said wasn't aimed just at her, but at others and possibly himself?

"And are you happy?" She asked him, thinking that it must be awfully lonely to be stuck up in the forest like he was, but he didn't seem to mind.

He smiled lightly, and answered "I suppose. I am much happier than I used to be back in the village. Here, no one judges me or hates me, I am just a normal man, like you are a normal woman."

Hayashii understood that others would see his stitches as...daunting and unusual, for she herself had never seen someone in so many stitches like he was, but she found his appearance rather intriguing more than frightening.

_I wonder what jutsu he's good at? He certainly seems strong to me._

She let the thought skitter across her mind, perhaps someday when she knows him better, she could ask him to show her some techniques of his?

She hoped he'd show her, but knew it was best to wait, rather than rush him, making him feel uncomfortable and suspicious.

"You said you have an older brother, do you have any other relatives?" He asked absent-minded, but was still curious, he desperately wanted to get off the topic of _**why**_ he left the village in the first place, though he was certain she already knew by now, for she certainly wasn't blind.

"No, my mother died when I was twelve, my father died a couple of years ago, so myself and my brother are the only ones living together, though his fiance will be moving in soon, he didn't want to leave me on my own, despite that I told him I was capable, there aren't any jobs going at the moment, so I do odd jobs like deliveries and making things for spare money, it's not much, but it does help." She answered, smiling sadly, she wondered if she'd gone a little too far with telling him other stuff that was completely irrelevant to the question, but she knew she could trust him, after all, she's known Kakuzu for a few weeks now, and who knew how long he'd been 'spying' on her before then?

"Are you happy with your brothers fiance moving in with you?" The question completely threw her off her train of thought, and she actually had to think of an answer, she'd never actually wondered if her brothers fiance moving in was any trouble.

She let out a low 'hmm' noise, then turning to him she answered "I like her well enough, she seems nice, I've only met her at least five times, most of them being brief, she's polite and friendly, as long as she makes my brother happy, I don't mind."

"Your brother loves her a lot then?" He asked probably one of the most stupid questions possible, though he felt there was a hidden meaning behind it.

She coughed lightly, then said "Well, they were betrothed ever since they kids, her father and my father worked together often on missions, so naturally they agreed on them both marrying. They seem happy enough, so I'm not worried."

He nodded, glancing at her, he saw her calm expression, though he couldn't surpress the nagging doubt he had replaying over and over in his head.

"D-do you have a betrothed? Or perhaps a man you love?"

He'd swallowed his pride-or whatever pride he had left, and strangely found his cheeks heating up at the ridiculous question.

She looked at him wih curious eyes, he wasn't looking back at her, though she felt a small blush heat up her cheeks, and what was more unusual was that she saw him blushing too.

"N-no, I don't, my mother and father were more taken to my brother than me, but decided that I could choose who I wished to marry, you could say my brother was their favourite-well, I suppose when you think about it, men always take pride in their sons, especially if they're first-born." Hayashii stated sadly, it was true, most of her life all the extra-attention went to her brother and making their small family become something better.

But never once did her brother ever rub it in her face that he was more cherished than her, which she respected him for.

"I see...must've been...slightly difficult?" He struggled with what to use as a comforting word, but came out with something probably worse than he'd expected.

She smiled warmly at him and answered "Not really, it was easy enough, all I had to do was learn a few skills as a Ninja for defense, cook, clean and so on, be the perfect wife a man would dream of having, and that's probably all that kept me going back then, but I still love my brother."

Kakuzu nodded silently, after all, he'd been an only child, only originally having the love of his parents, who were at the time, very nice people, but were hardly ever around, because of odd missions they'd done for other countries-such as being an escort to someone important to go across to another country.

Though the loss of his parents was a big shock at the time, he hardly felt any emoition over their deaths because he'd hardly spent much time with them.

"You are a very...nice person, I like that..." He admitted aloud, though looked away when he said it, after all, this was the first contact he'd had with a woman since before the accident.

He was very happy to have some female company again, someone understanding and...very beautiful, it took his mind off being lonely, but always reminded his scars.

_I no longer feel shame for these...I saved many others, and by doing so, this is the proof I have, I suppose I am very lucky to still be alive._

Kakuzu rubbed some stitches, as he thought of how he'd gotten them, but he was instantly yanked out of his thoughts, when he felt a hand other than his own touch his cheek.

His head whizzed round at her now wide eyes, she blushed deeply and exclaimed "Oh, I'm so sorry, I-it was rude of me. P-please forgive me!"

She pulled her hand away, though she felt something else grip onto it, she looked round and down at their now joined hands, he just held her right hand for a few minutes, before he answered "It's okay, I...forgive you. You...but only you, may touch these. No one else...ever..."

She blushed deeply again, as he lifted her hand up to his cheek, she moved her fingers over his scarred face gently, not wishing to hurt him, though that was now impossible, for the pain had left ages ago.

_Her hands are so soft and warm, they are loving hands...perhaps I need some love in my life? Someone to care for me, as I would for them? _

_Maybe...she's that woman?_

He glanced at her, she was staring intently at their joined hands, still held to his cheek, her face was flushed slightly, nearly making him smirk, but he had to admit it...

He was falling in love.

**To be continued in Part: 2 of 3**


	2. When Our Love Began To Shine

**Two: **_**When our love began to shine...**_

I felt Hidan's annoyed gaze staring at my back.

I'd ignored the idiot for ten minutes now, and although I was usually very good at going off into my own little world, the question of 'love' and thoughts of 'Hayashii', brought it all back, refusing me to ignore the surge of pain, lust, love, happiness and misery rush through me all at once.

But even when I ignored him, that never made him shut up, he'd always get angry and so demanding, he was like a kid at times, begging for attention.

Still, I would surely not treat Hidan as a kid, he was in his early twenties for God's sake!

Not some five year old wanting some sweets.

Besides, it was obvious that Hidan had never known love, even if he did, he didn't act like he'd had, but in my opinion, my partner is a self-centered, cursing zealot.

"You can't ignore me forever you arsehole! I don't care whether we are trying to fucking 'lay low'! I will shout and curse all I want until you stop ignoring me!"

_Here we go again, with his usual temper tantrums..._

This was hardly unusual behaviour, and it always ended with the same results, Hidan would try and hit me (or something along those lines), I would naturally react and near enough cut his head off and bury it under ground, I would even go to say as much, as I would often grumble about many ways of actually _killing_ the immortal.

It was at times like these, that I knew if Hayashii hadn't have died, I would've probably still been with her and watching our grandchildren 'leave the nest' as it was said.

Though we'd never gotten that far...something I wished could've been re-written.

* * *

They'd known each other for over two months, a goal that Kakuzu at first thought was unattainable.

But today was a very special day indeed, it was Hayashii's birthday, although he didn't know her age, for he thought that would be rude to ask, he kind of guessed that she was about twenty-three...perhaps twenty-four?

Still, it didn't matter to him, for he knew that his present to her would make her happy above all other possible things.

Or so he hoped it would be.

In fact he had three little presents, two of them not really being very important things, but the main one, he knew she'd love above all else, he was sure of it.

She came to him as she always did, wearing a warm smile, and lately humming as well, he'd gotten so used to her company that he felt she was already living with him.

That'd been his secret wish for a fornight now, though he knew he couldn't simply uproot her from her way of life and family, for it wasn't fair, but that was exactly what he wanted to do, luckily, he was able to squash his emotions down to size when she was near him, he didn't want to scare her off and knew that if he did, he'd never forgive himself.

"Good morning, Kakuzu!" She called over cheerfully to him as she rushed towards him, today she wasn't carrying a basket, which he immediatey wondered why that was.

He smiled at her in acknowledgment "Happy birthday Hayashii."

She stopped before him, staring at him with wide eyes, then she smiled and threw her arms around his neck as she squealed lightly "You remembered my birthday! Even after all this time!"

Once again he felt his heart beat faster and his face flush to a shade of pink, he placed an arm around her shoulders gently, his smile becoming a smirk, he muttered "How could I forget? It's a very special day for my close friend."

She pulled back, though his arm was still around her shoulders, she stared at him, her eyes watering she buried her face in his chest as she cried "I'm-oh, Kakuzu, I'm so happy! I'm your friend now! That is the most wonderful present I have ever received, thank you."

He chuckled lightly, looking down at her he answered "You're welcome, but that is not your only present today, and besides...you shouldn't be crying on your birthday."

She pulled back, she turned to her side, keeping her head turned away from him as she vigurously rubbed her eyes, she stated "I wasn't crying! I just had something in my eye!"

He chuckled again, then pulled her along with him away from their usual meeting place and towards his small, wooden house that was only a mile or less away from where they were.

She smiled to herself, seeming content and relaxed, and secretly, she liked the way his arm easily fitted over and around her shoulders, she liked the idea she was within his embrace, or close to his body.

Hayashii knew where he was taking her, she'd been only once before, aware of the fact that he was a little unsure about the idea of having someone else in on his territory, for up until they'd actually started talking, he only shared his own company.

It was earlier that morning that she'd gotten some of the loveliest presents she'd received since her father had been dead.

Her brother had bought her fabrics and material to make her own clothes, her new sister-in-law had also bought her a small silver trinket box with a pair of small, silver-hooped earrings, she'd even gotten a new shiny red hairbrush from one of the people she did work for.

Hayashii had been meaning to get a new hairbrush, for hers was old and slightly broken.

Still, she was very happy with what she'd received and couldn't help but feel very excited and slightly guilty that Kakuzu would go to so much trouble to get her something.

She hadn't known him long, but what she knew about him, she...well, she could no longer avoid it, she _loved_ everything about him, though she knew that she wouldn't tell him for a while, after all, he'd only accepted her as a friend that very day, she didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable in any way.

They just walked together, silently, both enjoying and savoring the moment.

The forest was dark and a little more colder than it was before they'd entered, the ground remained dusty, where little light and no rain made it there.

All in all, it was a rather calming scene during daylight, but no doubt at night there would be fog and it would rain in on the lovely scenery that was most accustomed to this place.

They finally made it to his house after a ten minute walk, his house was nothing exciting, after all, it was the typical wooden home that was just well-suited for a person or two to live in, when he'd first brought her to his house he'd shown her all of his rooms, apart from the master bedroom.

Altogether he had nine rooms, which consisted of; a kitchen, dinning room, lounge room, main bathroom, two spare bedrooms, a small library, his bedroom and his en-suite bathroom.

What made Hayashii love this place all the more was the wonderful homey feel to the interior design of the house, it almost made her wish she could live there as well, for her home was anything but welcoming, her home was old and dated, despite that being said to be a privilige, it certainly was an ugly home and Hayashii couldn't favor the idea of spending anymore of her life there.

"Here we are...again." Kakuzu stated the obvious, he left her side, bringing instant sadness to her, but as soon as he opened the door for her, she smiled and felt the love and care that'd gone into creating and decorating his home shine through and into her heart.

"I must say, I am very much in love with your house, my house is ugly and old, but yours...I feel that warm feeling everytime I come here," She muttered as she moved into the house, he followed right behind her, closing the door.

He was blushing lightly at her words, for when someone said that they loved your home, it most certainly went into more depths of saying 'I love you'.

He was hoping he'd read her statement right, but didn't want to press further, he knew his place, he was a man here, but back in that pathetic excuse for a village, he was known as a monster.

She was smiling happily to herself, it was so true about how much she loved his home...and him, she had thought for a little while now what it'd be like to live with him so far away from civilization, she could cope, after all, she didn't have many friends, and the friends she did have were much older than herself and already had families of their own, making it hard to spend much time with them.

Kakuzu sat her down in the lounge room on the sofa and got them both a drink of green tea.

Once he disappeared into the kitchen Hayashii got up from the sofa, noticing a couple of black and white photos on a shelf, she went over and inspected them more closely, and she instantly recognized Kakuzu as a small kid with what looked to be like his parents, he held up the head-band proudly, it seemed he'd become a Ninja at a young age.

She looked at the next photo, this one was Kakuzu with his parents again, but this time he was in his teens, he was half-smiling, having probably learned the harsh ways of the world and that they were in constant war probably made him less than cheerful, his seriousness had kicked in even when he was in his teens.

Hayashii stared at his parents, the man was tall, broad-shouldered, his arm was bandaged up, most likely from an accident, he had a stern and poised look about him.

Where as his mother looked more feeble and kind, she had small glasses on, her dark hair was in a neat bun and she wore a plain kimono.

Even his family seemed almost as poor as she was right now, but by looking at the two pictures she could tell they were happy.

It was obvious his parents were dead, for he'd told her that he lived on his own and she'd certainly never seen those faces before.

She smiled sadly at their content faces, wishing she could fill the gap that'd been left behind by the death of his parents, but what was she supposed to do?

_I am only his friend...nothing more..._

"Hayashii..."

Her head whizzed round at him standing in the doorway, holding the cups of tea on a tray, he was staring at her, she could see the flash of pain that laid hidden there, she didn't smile, instead just stared back at him, she looked back towards the photo's and muttered "These...are you and your parents...?"

"Yes...they were, my parents died many years ago..." He answered grimly, for it was only after they'd died that all the grief, pain and sorrow had begun, he'd been blinded by sad memories of them and had thrown himself into a mission that he was not prepared for, he'd been reckless, although he'd saved many men during that mission, he'd been repayed by having the worst accident possible.

He'd been sliced and cut up in many pieces, if it weren't for his knowledge of Medic skills, he wouldn't have been standing where he was today.

"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to pry, I know how you feel, to lose both of your parents, but not at the same time..." She muttered sadly, remembering the day she'd found her mother dead in her parents' bedroom.

Hayashii had been out to their neighbours, they'd gotten a new kitten, she'd always wanted a kitten, she'd begged and pleaded with her parents for one, but they just dismissed the idea because it was _her_ who'd asked for it, if her brother had asked for a kitten, he'd have had one within the next few hours.

She'd come back late that afternoon, calling to her mother, wondering what was for dinner, Hayashii had gone upstairs into her parents' bedroom, finding her mother laid, sprawled on the bed, it seemed as though she'd fallen on the bed, her eyes were still left slightly open, death clearly written there.

It was only later that they'd found out she'd died of a heart attack, the quickest and possibly most painless death anyone could have, for one second you'd feel pain, then, you'd be dead.

Simple.

That didn't mean she didn't get nightmares from it, even now she still got nightmares of seeing her mother laid there lifeless.

"Don't worry about it. It was a long time ago, besides, you can't be unhappy on your birthday." Kakuzu broke into her thoughts, she looked up at him, he'd somehow moved to her side without her noticing, she looked round to the table to see the tea set there, he then outstretched a hand towards her, she glanced back at him, she blushed slightly, whilst smiling she put her hand gently into his and allowed him to pull her up to her feet.

Being too engrossed in his lovely eyes, she became clumsy and fell into him, her head resting into his chest, his chin was just above her head, he was surprised by her 'boldness' (despite it being an accident) and felt his hands rest upon her back.

Hayashii instantly realized how close she was to him and immediately pushed a little away from him in embarrassment, he was staring down at her intently, she met his eyes once, but quickly diverted them, she was definitely not used to being so close to a man before.

"I'm sorry, I guess...I got a little light-headed-" Hayashii cut off her statement as soon as she felt him pick her up into his arms, she blushed heavily and looked at him with big, curious green eyes.

He ignored her stares, he walked over to the sofa and set her down onto it, he answered "You should perhaps sit down somewhere more comfortable if you're feeling a little ill...?"

"Oh no, I'm not ill, I just...it was probably a spur of the moment sort of thing..." she stated, though knew her facade was going to crack soon and she'd end up telling him she loved and would then be thrown out of his house within a milisecond.

She took in a shakey breath and reaching for his hand that hung idly at his side, she gave it a small squeeze as she forced her eyes to meet his and said "Thank you, Kakuzu..."

He stared at their joined hands curiously, then gave a small squeeze back, wearing a small smile he answered "That's okay."

* * *

It was much later that evening, she spent dinner with him, it wasn't anything fancy, but it certainly made a difference to the company they were sharing.

After dinner was finished, Hayashii helped him wash up and clean away all odd pieces of cutlery and so on.

Hayashii was currently sat outside on the wooden porch about four metres off the ground, Kakuzu had disappeared to get her presents, though his excuse was that he needed to visit the bathroom, she honestly thought that spending dinner with him at his house was his present to her, but she was very wrong.

He came back out to her, she turned to look at him with a content smile, finding the view of the moon over the distant forest-covered hills very enchanting, that he'd already bent down to her level, grabbing at her right hand gently, he slipped a pale blue bracelet onto her wrist.

She stared down at it shocked, it looked expensive and very beautiful, it glistened in the moonlight, this was definitely the best present she'd received for her birthday, she was sure of it.

She felt the usual urge to cry from such a heart-warming gift, she couldn't manage many words, for her throat had tightened considerably, she looked at him, smiling, she nodded her head and muttered "Thank you...so much!"

He smirked, seeing her obvious delight in his present to her made him feel a unsual light, happy feeling in his chest, where his heart was.

"That's not all..." Kakuzu stated with a small, knowing smile.

Hayashii's eyes widened considerably, she couldn't believe he'd get her anything else, she was just happy beyond compare with the bracelet.

He chuckled at her alarmed expression, then reaching into his back pocket, he took out and gave to her a small pale pink flower.

"Where did you...?" She stared at it carefully, taking it carefully from him, she lifted it to her nose and smelt it, the scent made her eyes close and smile happily, it reminded her of happy times when she was younger and was at the neighbours playing with their kitten and when she'd visited her only grandmother and read out to her.

She sighed happily, opening her eyes she froze when she saw that his face was no more than 7cm away from her own.

They both just stared at each other for many long moments, she felt as though she wasn't breathing, her cheeks lightly flushed from how close she was to him, but she didn't flinch, or push away, she just remained there, as if waiting for him to make the first move.

He did.

"Happy birthday Hayashii..."

He lifted his hands to her face, cupping her cheeks, he pulled her towards him slowly and their lips joined in a gentle kiss, shock spread through her at the sudden situation.

_He's actually kissing me!_

She closed her eyes and linked her arms around him, wishing to never let go, for despite his appearance, his lips were rather soft and gentle to touch, which clearly went against his rugged looks.

This kiss soon became more passionate and deep, an urgent need to strive for something she was unsure of.

But what she did knew for certain was this was her most special birthday present she'd ever received, and she'd hold onto the memory for the rest of her life.

**To be continued in Part: 3 of 3**


	3. When We Said 'Goodbye'

**Three: **_**When We Said 'Goodbye'...**_

"Say anything to piss me off and I will do something much worse than you could possibly imagine." I stated between gritted teeth, whilst glaring at Hidan.

His sickening amused expression ticked me off to no end, blood dripped down across his left shoulder, I was quick, but not quick enough, it was even worse that I couldn't kill him, for all he did was shout and complain.

_I wish he'd just piss off and die sometimes!_

That'd never happen though, Hidan is immortal, as annoying as that is, it did make a much better difference than ending up with a load of shitheads as partners.

I was already angry with Hidan bringing up the one biggest loss of my now recent, slightly immortal life.

It drove me insane!

Still, our main focus now was the Kyuubi kid and my Bounty that Hidan had taken hours to kill, as usual I had to save him though.

_It was just a shame I never managed to save her..._

* * *

After that 'encounter' at Kakuzu's house, they proclaimed their love for each other, and soon became lovers, though no one knew about it apart from themselves, of course there weren't many other people to tell, apart from Hayashii's family.

It was only when they'd both made love about four months after her birthday, that he realized how innocent Hayashii was and how lucky he was to have her for himself.

Though for a long time, he'd been thinking about the best way to tell her that he wanted her to become his wife, something he'd planned, even before they'd made love, yet he couldn't get he courage or get the words out, and just when he would ask her, she'd either change the subject or she'd have to return home.

Sometimes he thought fate was deliberately meddling with his honourable intentions.

She was his as he was hers, and that would remain the same forever, he'd never found such a strong urge to be close to a woman before, but now, he wanted her with him every moment of the day, she was like an addiction, an obsession-he could never get enough of her.

He even loved the idea of her one day carrying his child, the thought was enough to make him smile, and day-dream of the future, something which he seemed to be so much time doing.

He'd been smiling more and more lately, this was the first time in a long time, since his parents had died and after he'd left that dreadful village, that he'd been so happy, he found himself looking forward to the future, another thing he'd thought would be impossible.

For many years he was just counting down the days until his heart stopped beating, but now he was starting to accept love and happiness again, he wanted to enjoy the rest of his life-to the fullest.

Kakuzu smiled to himself and absently looked across the room at the three pictures, two of them with him and parents and the third was of himself and Hayashii, he'd actually taken her to an neighbouring town for a couple of days and there they'd had their pictures taken.

She insisted that she pay for the photo, since he'd been trying to persuade her into letting him treat her to nearly anything she wanted that was within his budget.

She ignored that offer deliberately and even bought the wooden frame to go with it.

They'd stayed in a hotel, nothing fancy, they dined at restaurants and went sight-seeing, he'd also had enough money left over to buy her a hair piece, something which she'd been admiring and she'd never stopped thanking him for the lovely present afterwards.

She was so happy then, everything he said or did was like a praise to her ears, and it made him feel light inside knowing that he was one of the only people to have the ability to do that.

_I love her...and I will marry her!_

He'd secretly bought her a second-hand gold ring, even before they'd made love the first time, he'd been planning to do the honourable thing for a while, but never actually managed to ask.

It looked brand new and it was all he could possibly afford, but he was sure she'd love it all the same, he would do it tonight, he was sure of it, a burst of courage and excitement rushed through his body-though he was nervous as hell, he knew he'd have to ask eventually, else he'd lecture himself about it afterwards if he didn't.

_I just hope she'll accept me..._

* * *

Accept him she did.

For the moment he'd stated how much he loved her and had gone down on one knee, producing a ring from his back pocket, her eyes had gone wide with excitement and what he could tell was her love for him, she'd shouted "Yes!" And all but jumped on him, causing him to fall back to the ground, they both laid there, making out and eventually staring up at the starry night sky, feeling content in each others' arms.

He laughed at the irony of never actually being able to ask her whether she wanted to marry him or not for she'd jumped on him and answered before he could even utter another word, it was now clearly obvious that she was as excited about it as he was.

"You must move in immediately," he'd stated after another night of blissful lovemaking.

She nodded and answered "I will bring all my belongings with me in two days."

He didn't argue any further, knowing that she had to tell her brother and sister-in-law what was happening and then do some packing.

"I want to come with you, please let me?" He'd asked for what seemed to be the twentieth time that next morning.

He'd so desperately wanted to meet her only living relatives and give them a chance to feel comfort in knowing that he'd come himself and letting them know she was in capable and loving hands, despite the fact he was sure they'd be grossed out by his appearance.

But she gave the same answer all the time, she shook her head, whilst wearing a small smile and said "No. I'm sorry Kakuzu, but it's something I must do myself, besides, I would never force you to go back to that village, this is a fresh start for the both of us, something that I am looking forward to. Please understand."

He sighed in defeat as he always did when she said 'no', drawing her into his arms, holding her tight against him, he muttered into her ear "Very well, but if you don't come back before the sun sets, I will come for you."

She smiled widely, her hand faintly tracing over his scars, she stretched up towards him and kissed him softly on the lips; a promise.

Something he knew she'd never break for the world.

"Do you remember the first time we met?" He wondered aloud, whilst staring up at the pale-cream ceiling in his bedroom.

He felt her smile against his shoulder, as she too moved onto her back and stared up at the ceiling of his bedroom.

"Yes, someone was 'spying' on me."

Kakuzu even had the decency to blush lightly at that, so he caught out, she'd managed to figure out what he'd been doing, but did she know before that day?

It was something he wanted to know himself.

He let out a small nervous laugh and answered on a sexy growl "Ah, but how long was I 'spying' for?"

She turned her humoured face towards his and giving him a playful slap on his chest, she stated "You are a typical man, Kakuzu, always dodging the question. I think I'm going to have to teach you how to be a proper husband!"

His eyes turned wide at her remark, he hadn't expected her to become so bold, but he had to admit he liked it.

Their eyes met, and smirking lightly, he leaned over and encircled his arms around her tightly, rubbing his hands down her back gently, he murmured against her lucious hair "We'll see about that!"

Her promise to him, he knew, she would never break, not for anyone or anything.

But she did...

* * *

It was sunset and she'd still hadn't arrived yet.

He was beginning to worry, almost panicking, he was pacing backwards and forwards restlessly outside his house, where they'd now chose to meet up, his mind riddled with horrible thoughts that he just couldn't stomach.

_She's usually here by now...what if she's-no, she couldn't-wouldn't be in trouble...I should've gone with her, I knew this would happen! Something's wrong, that's it! I'm going!_

Knowing full-well that she'd only ever _not_ turn up and see him was if she was ill-which had only happened once before and if she was in trouble, he certainly hoped it was the first one, though nothing serious of course.

But for some reason he couldn't surpress that horrible cold shiver that went down his spine, he could tell something had happened, something bad, but he hoped she wasn't harmed in any way.

Though he couldn't be sure unless he went to find her.

_That's it! I can't stand this waiting anymore!_

He thought that by holding back a couple more minutes she'd run through the bushes and call to him, telling him that she'd just been finishing her packing or she'd had to exlplain her situation to her brother in more detail because he was asking too many questions.

But even he knew as the evening colours flickered away to dusk that she might not be coming.

If she was then he'd meet her half-way, he didn't mind, as long as she was safe.

Kakuzu ran into his house and took all the usual equipment he'd use in battle from his home-just in case, and just before leaving his house, he took one last look at the pictures of himself and his family and at the newest addition, the picture of himself and Hayashii, there they looked happy, as if they'd already spent a lifetime together.

He sent a silent prayer to whatever God that was out there to make sure she was safe.

Locking the front door he went off back towards the village he was sure he'd never return too-well, hoped he would never have to return too.

_Desperate times call for desperate measures..._

The thought skittered through his mind briefly, before he began running back towards the village.

During the travel back towards the village, taking the path he was positvely sure she'd be taking, he found that it was silent, there were no birds singing, there wasn't even any wind.

Even the air felt heavy, like it was weighing down upon his body.

He didn't dare go into the trees, just in case she passed him by on the path.

So far, he hadn't seen her coming, it was only himself that was possibly out at that hour.

He thought of the possibility that she'd gone down a different path, but knew that, that was impossible, for if his memory was correct, the path he was taking led directly from himself to his house, near the lake.

He ran continously for nearly an hour, feeling the strain in his muscles, he slowed down a little, until he almost collapsed to the ground from exhaustion and thirst.

He leaned against a tree, slipping down to the ground, he relaxed, trying to catch his breath for about ten minutes, before he was up and running again.

_I'm almost there! I'm sure of it!_

His mind raced from nerves and dread, so far he hadn't seen her, something was definitely wrong.

It was only in the midst of his thinking did he suddenly smelt the onslaught and rage of smoke, which naturally came from...a fire!

"Dear God! I hope she's safe!" Kakuzu exclaimed as another wave of dread and doubt fluttered throughout his body, making him tense and nervous.

He stopped, and jumped up into the trees above, seeing how much farther he had to go before he reached the village.

Only his fear tripled at the sight of what he saw.

The whole village was consumed in huge, scarlet flames, massive, dark, black clouds were emitting from the flames and poured into the sky.

He hadn't realised it, but he'd forgotten to breath, quickly now, he took a deep breath, he didn't have that far to go now, only about five minutes more and he'd be at the entrance.

He jumped down to the ground below and sprinted across the dried floor.

He didn't hear anyone's screams or see anyone else but himself running through the dark forest.

_It must've been an attack from the neighbouring country...They probably raided the enitre village...if not just burnt it quickly-_

Hayashii's smiling face appeared across his vision for a moment before he heard a small cry for help coming from his right, in the midst of the darkness.

Kakuzu stopped dead in his sprint, hoping that there were survivors, and if so they could help him learn where Hayashii was.

He rushed over to where the voice was calling from, and as he got nearer, he realised with relief that the voice was familiar to him.

He rounded another tree and was relieved to see Hayashii, but his relief turned swiftly to terror as he took the sight of her lying on the ground, covered in blood coming from a stomach wound, she looked exhausted and a little dirty-most likely from the smoke and dried mud on the ground.

He swiftly moved down to her, looking her over quickly and noticed she had some minor cuts and a few bumps which he was sure would turn to bruises, her eyes were half-open and were dazed, until she lifted her weak arm up and touched his cheek.

She must've felt his stitches for she smiled lightly and muttered weakly "Kakuzu..."

He paused and looked down at her with moist eyes, she sounded so weak and looked so fragile.

_I can fix this! I will, I will, I will! She'll be fine-everything will be fine! We'll leave this place-get away, I'll make sure of it, I will make her better again!_

She muttered his name again, his attention was re-focused on her stomach wound, he untied the pale orange kimono quickly, readying himself to use stitches on her to treat her wound.

_I don't care if we can't have children-I just want her to be safe-PLEASE!_

But what he found, almost made his stomach turn...and he sat there staring at the wound with wide, dazed eyes.

His hands shook terribly as they gripped on the edges of her kimono, before he quickly replaced the kimono over her, covering her up, hiding away the disgusting truth that she was poisoned.

There was nothing he could do to help her now.

His knowledge of poisons weren't that great and he didn't know the proper jutsu or have the right equipment to help cure her.

She seemed to have noticed this, even in her dazed expression, for he had his head bowed, his shoulders were racking as he sobbed effortlessly to himself.

She stroked her hand over his cheeks, wiping away the tears as much as she could possibly manage, he seemed to have noticed her struggle, for now he was looking down at her, his hand gripped hers tightly within his own, and said "Hayashii...you never came..."

She smiled again at him and answered "I was...just leaving, you actually came...back to the village, just for me...I'm happy, Kakuzu, oh, so happy...to have known you...to have known you is the best thing...that has ever happened...to me..."

He shut his eyes tightly as she said this, trying to keep himself from breaking down in front of her, when this was possibly the last chance he'd be able to speak to her.

"As you are to me...I'm sorry, so sorry...I didn't make it in time! I'm so _SORRY_, please...forgive me..." He muttered, another sob racking his body.

She made an effort to laugh a little and stated "I don't need to forgive you...silly...you came...for me...I-I love you...and you came back...for me..."

"I love you too, God dammit! I can't even relieve some of your pain! No one else will ever take your place, you are the only one. Only you may touch these scars and only you will be in my heart..."

Kakuzu stated as more tears fell down his cheeks like a waterfall after a long monsoon.

"We will meet each other again soon...I'm sure of that...my love...thank...you..." It was as Hayahsii said these last words that Kakuzu let out an almighty piercing scream that almost shook the forest itself, it rang through the darkness, echoing off into some other region.

Her hearbeat had stopped, there was no pulse; she was dead.

_No one can hear me now...No one can hear or see my pain...No one can understand the loss...I am once again just a monster..._

After what seemed to be hours of sobbing, he decided now was the time to leave, literally leave the country altogether, move away and on from the memories of Hayashii and himself enjoying the bliss afternoon sun in each other's arms, anything to surpress the memories was good enough, it was too painful, too painful to bear that even with his powers, he was still not able to save the only woman he'd ever love.

He scooped her bloodied, lifeless body into his arms, her eyes were closed, he took much care with her, as if she were fragile like glass.

He took his time with her, walking slowly through the forest, as they'd both used to do, arm-in-arm, laughing at one of their jokes.

_That will never happen again..._

The thought was depressing and didn't ease the ache within his heart, that he now felt.

It was all-consuming, a fire burning within the heart and spreads so much pain throughout the body.

After nearly three hours of walking, he arrived at his house, he kicked the door down with little effort, although exhausted from his weeping, he was now feeling immense anger, as once again another person he loved was taken from him.

He passed the photographs, and didn't look at them, he was too pre-occupied with the now, he went into his bedroom and laid her gently upon the bed they'd shared countless of times, staring down at her, he felt fresh tears flood over his cheeks, but these were _silent tears_ of grief and longing.

Kakuzu lifted a hand and stroked her cheek softly, then bending down he kissed her briefly on the lips, now he made his own promise; he'd set her free.

_Something she always wanted...Something I will grant her now..._

He took one last look at her, moving from the room, he grabbed the photograph of himself and Hayashii, taking the photo out, he stuffed it in his back pocket, along with money and his headband with a scratch through the middle, he packed some clothes and took a little bit of food.

He was now stood outside his home that he'd originally been planning to share with his beloved, but even that was now a distant memory-a painful memory.

He'd sprayed oil all around the house and a little on Hayashii, he held a lit match in his hand, and now muttered "I hope you pass on in peace, my love..."

His friend, his lover, his fiance, was gone, like a wonderful dream-that'd suddenly turned to a nightmare.

She was simply no more.

And then with a careless flick of his wrist, he threw the match onto the house, and it went up in flames immediately.

He stood and watched it for about an hour, he was certain she was now burning and that she was now free, he glanced down at his ring on his left hand, and with an ache in his now empty heart he tore it off and threw it in the fire.

The only thing he'll have now is the photo.

The ring, the gifts, the promises-they meant nothing now.

He would leave, he would make people miserable, just as he felt, he wanted others to feel his anguish, he wanted to show them the power of anger and loneliness, show them how much he'd had to endure.

He eventually turned away and thought to himself; _I will make myself immortal, I will use others' hearts to my advantage, I will show them what it's really like to be in pain, I will make everyone suffer-just as I am now...they will learn...and they too, will feel my pain..._

* * *

It was now, as I lay at Kakashi Hatake's feet, powerless, empty and full of anger-yet peace.

I knew my end was coming, and I would once again be with Hayashii.

Hidan was gone, and I was to follow, I knew this even as I gazed up at the now formed Chidori in Kakashi's palm.

His tired eyes stared down at mine as he answered something about me being a decrepit old man, about the next generation already starting to surpass us, blah, blah, blah.

What did all that mean?

For many years I'd been consumed with money, thinking that with money, I'd be happy enough to live in luxury and by prolonging my life, I could acheive world destruction, something I wanted more than anything, it was the best way to making everyone feel my pain, but even so, I felt tired, after all, that's all I had been doing for years on end.

My anger at being defeated so easily made me want to kill them all, but strangely enough, I felt peace now, I knew that I'd be with my love again, forever.

Just as Kakashi's hand slammed down the Chidori into my body-bringing about my death, I smiled lightly, my last thought; _Hayashii..._

**#The End#**


End file.
